Lifelines
by Splinter
Summary: Who wants family around when you're injured...Raphael sure doesn't.
1. Default Chapter

"We are one, you and I  
We are like the earth and sky  
One family under the sun  
All the wisdom to lead,   
All the courage you will need  
You will find when you see  
We are one"  
(Cam Clarke and Charity Sanoy "The Lion King II")  
  
  
Michaelangelo slammed a dollar bill down onto the coffee table. "It's a bet!"  
  
Raphael looked down at the money and waved his brother off. "Is that all you got? You said ten bucks."  
  
Mike looked up and yelled to Donatello who was off in his lab. "Hey, Donny! Loan me ten bucks!"  
  
Donatello stuck his head out of the door. "You have got to be kidding. For what?"  
  
"Raphael bet me that he could break those three bricks we found with his head. C'mon, I'll split the winnings with you fifty/fifty."  
  
Don shook his head. "Those bricks are for reinforcing the south wall. You can't break them."  
  
"Don't worry, he won't," Mike said grinning at Raph.  
  
Raphael grabbed a pillow cushion and slammed it into Mike's face. "Yeah, keep talking and I'll use my head to break your shell."  
  
"At least you would be using it for something," Leonardo commented dryly leaning against the doorway of the kitchen.  
  
Raph looked at him and groaned. "Who invited you into this conversation?"  
  
Leo shrugged and Mike jumped over the couch to run to him. "Lend me ten bucks. Please, Leo," he begged grabbing his arm.  
  
Leonardo shook him off. "What do you need money for?"  
  
Don came out of his lab and fell down in a vacant chair. "He wants to see Raph give himself a concussion."  
  
"Shut up, Donny," Raphael growled.  
  
Leonardo looked at Raphael with concern. "How?"  
  
Michaelangelo knelt down next to the couch and lifted up a cement brick. "Raph says he can break three of these with his head. But he won't do it if I don't have ten bucks. So, please, Leo."  
  
"Sorry, Mike," Leo said with an apologetic smile. "I don't have it."  
  
"Donny?" Mike asked turning to his other brother with a pleading look.  
  
Donatello shrugged. "Looks like you're out of luck, Mike."  
  
Mike threw himself down onto the couch next to Raphael with an angry scowl. "Probably couldn't do it anyway," he mumbled.  
  
Raph dove at him and pinned Michaelangelo to the couch. "What did you say?"  
  
Mike didn't look the least bit fazed. "I said, you couldn't do it anyway," he repeated stubbornly.  
  
Raphael glared silently at him for a moment. "Ok, pick up your dollar and those bricks." He let Michaelangelo up and headed for their training room.  
  
Mike grinned at Leonardo and Donatello. "I'm good huh?" He jumped up and grabbed the money and the three bricks.  
  
Leonardo glanced over at his brother. "Donny, what are the odds that he's gonna break those and not his head?"  
  
"Well, you know as well as I do that breaking is about concentration and focusing more than strength...." Donatello trailed off thoughtfully.  
  
Leo nodded. "Yeah that's what I thought." He ran into the training room followed quickly by Don.  
  
Raph had already set up the bricks in between two high stools and was trying to find the right angle to break. Michaelangelo stood near him watching closely.  
  
Leo decided it was best to be tactful. "Hey, Raph. We really do need those bricks for the wall. It's going to start leaking soon."  
  
Raphael didn't even bother to look at him. "So, we'll find more."  
  
So much for tact. "Well, do you have to break all of them at once?"  
  
"Yeah Raph," Don agreed. "Because of the density of those bricks, the odds of you being able to get through all of them without hurting yourself..."  
  
Raphael closed his eyes and a deep growling sound was heard from the back of his throat. "If you give me one fuckin' statistic, Donatello, I will permanently crash your computer with my sai."  
  
Donatello gasped in surprise at Raphael's threat and stalked out of the room. He came back a few moments later and handed Michaelangelo a ten-dollar bill. "Fine. I've got ten dollars that says you knock yourself out."  
  
"Donatello!" Leo said angrily. This was so wildly out of character for his peace-loving brother and besides he was supposed to be helping to talk Raphael out of this.  
  
"Donny! You said you didn't have any money!" Mike looked annoyed.  
  
"Can you guys shut the hell up!" Raphael snapped. "I'm trying to concentrate!" He lowered his head to the bricks slowly.  
  
"Raphael, you know that breaking takes hours to prepare for," Leonardo argued. "God, think with your head and not your ego."  
  
Raphael ignored him. Deep breath. Better do this before Leo tries to drag me away. Ok, 1…2…3  
  
Raphael brought his head down quickly and as hard as he could.  
  
And then everything went black.  
*************************************************************   
  
"I think he's waking up."  
  
Oh God, someone tell Mikey to turn down the bass on his radio. It took him a second to realize that the pounding was in his own head and was made worse every time someone spoke to him.  
  
"Raphael? Raphael, My Son, can you hear me?"  
  
Raphael tried to make some intelligible reply but it came out as sort of "Ngghh."  
  
"Was that English?" Michaelangelo snickered. Leonardo and Donatello jabbed him on either side with their elbow. "Ow!"  
  
Splinter glared at them all and they fell silent. "Raphael, open your eyes for me if you can."  
  
Raph's eyes squeezed tighter for a second and then they opened slowly. He was on his bed in his room with his brothers and master standing over him looking a bit concerned.   
  
"Raphael, do you remember what happened?" Leo asked.  
  
Raphael closed his eyes again. "Yeah and it's all your guys' fault."  
  
"Come again?" Donatello said.  
  
Splinter held up his hand to forestall the argument. "Raphael, you need to keep your eyes open," he said sternly.  
  
"Huh?" Raph blinked up at him. "Why?"  
  
Splinter gently placed a bag of ice on his head. "I fear you may have a concussion. In order to be sure you do not lapse into a coma, you must remain awake."  
  
Raph fought off the urge to close his eyes again. "For how long?"  
  
"At least for the next twelve hours," Splinter replied.  
  
Raphael moaned and squeezed his eyes shut. "Oh, damn," he muttered. "Ohhhhh, just give me something for this headache."  
  
"That's not such a good idea, Raph," Donatello said cautiously. "Any painkillers we have is liable to make you drowsy."  
  
"Besides, the pain will help keep you awake," Mike added and Raphael's eyes snapped open to glare at him.  
  
Sighing in resignation, Raph struggled to sit up. "Fine, fine. You guys go to bed and I'll just go watch some…whoa." The room started spinning and Splinter helped him lay back down.  
  
"No, you must remain here." Splinter glanced at his sons. "We will take shifts staying here with you. To make sure that you do not fall asleep."  
  
Mike chuckled. "Heh..sounds like Nightmare on Elm Street." He dropped his voice to a sinister whisper. "'Whatever you do, don't fall asleep.'"  
  
"Why don't you take the first shift, Mike," Leo suggested with a smile.  
  
Michaelangelo groaned. "Why didn't I keep my mouth shut?"   
  
  
Next Chapter: Michaelangelo 


	2. Michaelangelo:Laughter is the best Medic...

Michaelangelo: Laughter is the best medicine  
  
  
"So like then the guy said 'the money is on the night stand. Have a nice night.'" Michaelangelo laughed at his joke and looked down in concern when his brother didn't join in the merriment. Raphael's eyes were almost closed and he looked on the brink of sleep.  
  
Mike grabbed a glass of ice water from the nearby stand and dumped the contents on Raph's face.  
  
"Yow!" Raphael wailed jumping nearly a foot off his bed. "Mike you're a dead man!" He tackled his brother, knocking him out of the chair and sending them both to the floor.  
  
"I was just trying to keep you awake!" Mike protested putting his hands up to protect himself as Raph sat on top of him.  
  
Raphael grabbed his arms and pinned them to the floor. "By drowning me? Whoa!" He rolled on to the floor as the room began to spin again.   
  
"You ok Raph?" Mike asked concerned.  
  
Raphael closed his eyes tightly hoping to stop the nauseating rotation. "When this is all over, you'd better be in a new zip code Mike."  
  
"Raphael!"  
  
Raph and Mike both looked up to see their less-than-pleased sensei standing in the doorway. "I thought I had made it clear that you were to stay in bed."  
  
"Yeah but…" Raphael objected gesturing to his brother. "Mike…"  
  
"I do not want to hear any excuses. It was your own foolishness that put you in this situation. Now, back into bed."  
  
Raphael muttered something under his breath as he climbed back in his bed. He threw the damp pillow on the floor and lay down glaring at the ceiling with his arms crossed.  
  
Splinter left the room with a sigh. The next ten hours were really going to try everyone's patience.  
  
The two turtles sat in silence for a few minutes. Raphael's eyes were closed but Mike could tell that he wasn't sleeping. He was pissed off.  
"Raph…" Michaelangelo began hesitantly after a few more minutes.  
  
"Why is it that I always take the blame for your shit?" Raphael demanded.  
  
"Huh?"   
  
Raphael turned to look at his brother. "It doesn't matter what you do, as long as I'm within five miles of you, I get in trouble. Hell, I'm even bed ridden and I get yelled at. What's up with that?"  
  
Mike shrugged. "Just lucky I guess." Raphael glared at him.  
"Hey, I get into plenty of trouble," Mike said. "Even when it's part your fault. Like that time, right after we met April…"  
  
(Flashback)  
  
Raphael lounged on the couch trying to hear the television over Michaelangelo's potato chip munching. "Mike if you're going to be so loud, turn up the TV."  
  
Mike stretched his arm half-heartedly from his seat on the floor and shrugged. "Sorry, can't reach it."  
  
"You ass," Raph muttered. The phone rang and Michaelangelo jumped up to answer it. Seeing as how everyone was home, it could only be one person.  
  
"Hi, April. Donny? Yeah, he's here." Mike turned slightly away from the phone and yelled. "DONATELLO!"  
  
Don walked out of his room looking a bit annoyed. "You bellowed?"  
  
Mike gave the phone to him and went back to his spot in front of the TV. "Hey where's my chips?" He looked at Raph who ignored him. "Raphael, where's my chips? Raph?!"  
  
"Shut up, Mike. I'm watching this."  
  
Mike smirked and turned off the TV. He wasn't all that surprised when Raphael grabbed him in a headlock from behind. The two were so busy wrestling that they didn't notice Donatello hanging up the phone and stepping over them to retrieve his tools.  
  
"Hey, hey wait," Mike said from underneath his brother. Donatello was putting on his coat and hat. "Where you going Donny?"  
  
  
"To April's."  
  
"Again?" Raphael asked. "Weren't you just there this afternoon?"  
  
"Yeah. Her oven keeps breaking down." He sighed. "She's probably going to have to buy a new one. But I'll do what I can." And with that he was gone.  
  
With one last smack to Mike's head, Raphael turned on the TV and got back on the couch.  
  
"Wonder what Donny's doing over April's," Mike said slowly.  
  
"You deaf? He's fixing her oven." Raph pulled Michaelangelo's chips from under the cushion and began to chow on them  
  
"You think?" Mike asked with a grin. "Like every other night he's over there. You don't think that he and April…"  
  
Raphael choked on what was in his mouth. "Get serious. This is Donatello we're talking about. The one who actually reads the articles in Playboy."  
  
Mike laughed. "You're right. But..uh..April doesn't know that."  
  
Raph's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What are you getting at?"  
  
"All it takes is a little photo manipulation."  
  
One hour later, Michaelangelo and Raphael climbed April's fire escape.  
  
"You're evil, Mikey," Raph snickered.  
  
"Shh," Mike whispered peering into the living room window. "Nobody's in there."  
  
"Give it to me," Raphael said. "I'll do it. You wouldn't be able to not laugh." He silently opened the window.  
  
Mike handed the envelope to him and watched as his brother climbed into the apartment.  
  
Five minutes later he was back.   
  
"Where'd you put it?" Mike asked.  
  
"On top of the oven," Raphael replied. "Donny and her were in the hallway looking at some outlet that wouldn't work.  
  
"You think she'll see..."  
  
A scream interrupted him followed by a sharp, "Donatello!"  
  
Raph and Mike fell against the wall laughing as they heard their brother's protested innocence.   
  
"Come on, let's go," Raph said heading down the stairs.  
  
Mike held up a finger. "Wait a sec.."  
  
Suddenly the window opened and April stuck her head out. "Michaelangelo," she said through gritted teeth and grabbed the tails to his headband.  
  
"Wait, April..it was just a joke." April hauled him into the window.  
  
From his crouched position on the fire escape, Raphael breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't seen him. "Poor Mike," he said and headed home to think of an alibi.  
(End Flashback)   
  
  
Raphael laughed. "It was your idea to use Donatello's computer to put April's head on that centerfold picture."  
  
"Yeah but the condom was your idea," Mike reminded him. "And as I recall, I was the only one hauled before Splinter to explain things and I was the only one grounded for a month."  
  
Raph lay down with his arms behind his head. "Wonder if April still has that picture."  
  
There was a knock at the door and Leonardo poked his head in. "Time's up, Mikey. It's my watch."  
  
Raphael groaned. "I think I'd prefer the coma."  
  
(Coming soon to a theater near you---Leonardo) 


	3. Leonardo: Live to Regret

Leonardo: Live to Regret  
  
  
"He had a need to feel the thunder  
To chase the lightning from the sky  
To watch a storm with all its wonder  
Raging in his lover's eye  
He had to ride the heat of passion  
Like a comet burning bright  
Rushing head long in the wind   
Out where only dreams had been  
Burning both ends of the night"  
(Garth Brooks "That Summer")  
  
  
Author's Warning: This chapter contains some adult material. Nothing is explicit, but is implied.   
  
  
  
  
"How's he doing?" Leonardo asked Michaelangelo. Mike stood up and stretched but before he could answer Raphael spoke up.   
  
"You know 'he' is in the room and can speak for himself."  
  
Mike shrugged. "He's his old charming self." He paused at the door before leaving. "Good luck."  
  
"Thanks, I'll need it" Leo and Raph said at the same time.  
  
Michaelangelo chuckled and closed the door behind him.  
  
Leonardo bent over and picked up Raph's pillow. "Lose something?"  
  
Raphael sighed. "It's wet." He glared at Leonardo's amused look. "Don't even think it. Mike threw water on me."  
  
Leo tossed the pillow back on the floor and settled into the chair.   
  
"And you can just shove any lecture you have planned," Raph continued pointing at him. "And an 'I told you so' could cause you a busted lip."  
  
Leonardo raised an eye ridge at that remark but said nothing. He just leaned back in the chair and smiled.  
  
"And wipe that damn smirk off your face. Concussion or not, I can still kick your ass."  
  
Leo looked away for a minute and sighed before responding. "You know, I spent the last hour meditating because I knew I would have to have an endless supply of patience for this. For your information, I wasn't going to lecture you or say 'I told you so.' I'm sure you're well aware of what a jackass you are and if you're not, Sensei is more than capable of telling you on his watch." He paused for a second. "So why not knock off the attitude and stop making this worse than it has to be."  
  
Raphael stared at him for a minute, fighting the urge to try to carry out his threat. Finally, with an angry growl he flopped down on the bed.  
  
Leonardo suppressed a sigh of relief at the relatively easy victory and pulled a small book from his belt. He began to read while keeping an eye on his brother. It seemed that minute by minute Raphael's scowl faded and he looked more thoughtful. After ten minutes, Raph broke the silence.  
  
"Splinter's pretty ticked at me huh?"  
  
Leonardo lowered his book. "Why?"  
  
"Just curious. Just wondering what I'm in for." He turned to face Leo. "So, is he?"  
  
"I wouldn't say ticked...exasperated maybe. Fed up, I guess. But not ticked."  
  
"Oh that's a relief," Raphael said sarcastically.   
  
Leonardo put the book on the nightstand. "He probably won't be too hard on you. After all, you're injured and you know how soft he gets when that happens."  
  
"Damn, I'm starting to regret letting Mikey talk me into that. I didn't even get the money he owed me."  
  
"Uh...Raph." Leo covered his mouth with one hand until he was sure he wouldn't laugh. Composed he continued, "You didn't win the bet."  
  
Raphael sat up quickly, "How many did I break?"  
  
Leo shook his head. "None." He had to cough to cover his laughter.  
  
"Oh shut up," Raphael said angrily. "If you hadn't been distracting me I would have done it."  
  
Leonardo rolled his eyes. "Don't blame me. It was your own stupidity. And just wait until you're well. When Mike starts ribbing you, you're really going to regret it."  
  
"So will he if I have something sharp nearby." He grew quiet for a minute and then with unaccustomed seriousness he asked. "Have you ever done something you regret, Leo?"  
  
"Sure," Leo responded reaching for his book.   
  
"Like what?" Raphael's eyes took on an evil glint.  
  
"Do you think I would actually give you black mailing ammuniton? Forget it, Raphael." He tossed the book to him. "Read that. It'll keep you entertained."  
  
Raph threw the book across the room without looking at it. "You smoked?"  
  
Leo shook his head. "No."  
  
"Drugs?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Got drunk and went swimming with a naked woman in one of Central Park's fountains? Oh wait, that was me."  
  
Leonardo laughed. "Don't tell me you regret that."  
  
"Yeh, I wasn't able to get her number before the cops showed up." Raph leaned forward a little. "Okay, I gave you black mailing ammo. Your turn and we'll cancel each other out."  
  
Leo folded his arms. "Alright. I lied to Splinter."  
  
Raphael fell back on his bed, disappointed. "Oh my God! Leo's going to hell! He actually told a lie!"  
  
"It wasn't the lie I regret," Leo said quietly.  
  
Raph sat up and regarded him intently. "Go on."  
  
"It was about...oh a year ago."   
  
(FLASHBACK)  
  
Leonardo needed to get out of the lair for awhile. Everything recently had just been getting on his nerves. His brothers, training...his sensei. He figured that a breath of fresh air would make him feel better. He went for a run, leaving his weapons and mask at home. Tonight he wasn't Leonardo ninja student and leader, he was just Leonardo. So he kept to the roofs of the city or back alleys. Running and running, pushing his body to its limits in hopes of fighting off the demons that welled inside him.  
  
He knew that what he thought of as demons were just the raw emotions of anger and despair that he could usually keep tempered. But when he couldn't, running usually helped. Leo knew that sticking around home, he would be bound to lose his temper and that he couldn't afford. Not him, not the perfect son. Leo growled and sped up. He went for about five miles before taking a break. Breathing deeply, he tried to find that center of himself where he could find peace. The noises of the city didn't bother him and he began to feel more relaxed than he had in days.  
  
Someone screamed. A woman. Leo watched as a she was dragged into the alley and knocked to the ground.   
  
"Here, t..take my purse," she stammered. "It has almost two...two hundred dollars in it. Just please, don't hurt me."  
  
The man grunted. "You're a real pretty lady. So sweet..." He knelt beside her and brushed his hand across her face.   
  
"Oh God. Oh no." She cried. "Please..."  
  
"So sweet. So sweet." He repeated it like it was a chant.  
  
The woman closed her eyes and felt his hands on her. Suddenly, the man yelped and she opened her eyes just in time to see him thrown into the wall with enough force to knock him out. She blinked up at her rescuer and saw his silhouette. She fainted dead away.  
  
Leonardo smiled. "Typical," he mused. "Not even a thank you." He bent over to pick up her purse and looked through it for identification. Finding her address, he picked her up and carried her home.  
  
  
  
Leonardo backed up to the living room door. The woman was laying on the couch with a small blanket draped over her. For some reason, he was reluctant to just leave her. "Fade away without a trace," Leonardo reminded himself. With a sigh, he turned to go.  
  
"Leaving so soon?"  
  
Leonardo paused. The room was dark and she couldn't see him clearly. He turned to find her sitting up on the couch.  
  
"I wanted to thank you," she said. "Are you a cop?"  
  
Leo chuckled. "You're welcome and no. I'm not."  
  
A light came on and Leonardo heard her gasp as he blinked against the sudden glare. When he could see again, he realized that she had moved closer to him. Her eyes narrowed. "You really are..."  
  
Hands up in a non-threatening manner, Leo said. "It's a simple explanation. Just don't scream."  
  
She reached out to touch his hand, but drew away quickly before actually making contact. "Radiation?" she asked.  
  
Leo nodded slowly. "Something like that." She backed up and Leo smiled. "I'm not radioactive."  
  
"No, I suppose not." She sat down on the couch and watched him carefully.  
  
There was silence for a minute, before Leonardo finally said. "I have to go."  
  
She drew the blanket around her and shivered. "Please, don't. I...I don't want to be alone. Sit down. Tell me about you." When Leo shook his head she became panicked. "Please."  
  
Reluctantly, Leonardo walked over to a small chair and sat down. He reached out a hand. "My name is Leo."  
  
She hesitated and then finally took the offered hand,  
  
Leonardo patiently answered her questions, managing to leave out things that he didn't want her to know, in particular things about his family. As far as she knew, Leo had lived alone all of his life, with no family or close friends. He had learned to fight and survive by living on the streets. In actuality, he did a great deal of lying. Leo told himself it was to protect his family, but if he was perfectly honest with himself, it was also because he didn't want to be connected to anything. He still wanted to be just himself; not a ninja student, son or brother.  
She accepted him as that. And once she got passed the whole turtle, afraid of being irradiated thing, they actually had a good time.  
  
Hours later, Leonardo awoke to a strangled cry. He realized with a start that he had fallen asleep in the chair after persuading her to get some rest. He looked over to the couch and saw her thrashing about, apparently in the middle of some nightmare. Feeling grossly inadequate, Leo crawled over to the couch to offer some comfort.   
  
"Hey, it's Leo. Wake up. You're ok. You're safe now."  
  
She grabbed him and hung on for dear life, sobbing. Leo spoke soothing words to her and eventually her crying subsided. She looked up at him. "You're so kind to stay with me." She kissed him gently. They looked at each other for a moment and then kissed again.  
  
Leo pulled away from her. "I should go."  
  
She clutched him tighter. "No, please. I'm scared." She pulled him close and kissed him again.  
  
Again, Leo pulled away. "Which is why I should go. You're scared and confused."  
  
"No." She shook her head. "I know who and what you are. And who and what I am and what I want. Do you believe in love at first sight, Leo?"  
  
Leo laughed. "Now I know you're confused. We hardly know each other."  
  
She pulled him close again. "We have all night to find out." She kissed him again. "Just one thing though...how old are you anyway?"  
  
Leo hesitated before finally saying, "Twenty-two."  
  
  
Leonardo lay in bed beside her awake long after she had fallen asleep. An icy feeling had gripped his stomach. No matter how much he had tried to deny it tonight, he knew who he was and where his duty lie. Leo slipped out of bed quietly and left the apartment. He never looked back.  
  
  
(End flashback)  
  
Raphael stared wide-eyed and opened mouthed at his brother. "That's the end?" he asked after a minute of silence.  
  
Leonardo leaned back in the chair. "Yep."  
  
Raphael started to speak, stopped, tried again and stopped. Finally he just sat there speechless.  
  
"Anyway," Leo continued. "When I got home, Splinter was waiting up for me. I made up some excuse about why I was so late. I don't even remember what it was now. I don't think he believed me, but he never called me on it."  
  
Raph turned away, forehead creased as he tried to make some sense out of the whole story. He looked back to Leo and asked. "So what was the regret? What you did? Or that you left? What was her name anyway?"  
  
Leo was thoughtful for a moment. "I don't remember."  
  
"And the regret?" Raphael pressed.   
  
Before Leo could answer there was a knock at the door. Donatello stepped in carrying a tray of food. "Sensei thought you might be hungry, Raph. And it's after 3 am, Leo. My turn to baby-sit."  
  
Leonardo stood and stretched. "Right. I am tired. Have a good night. Oh and by the way, Raphael, I made the whole thing up. It never happened." He smiled and left the room.  
  
Donatello sat in the vacated chair and watched Raphael ignore the tray of food and stare at the door their older brother just walked out of.  
  
"So," Donatello said feeling like he had really missed something. "I don't see any broken furniture and..." He looked Raphael over. "No new bruises. SO, what did you and Leo talk about?"  
  
Raphael turned to him as if seeing him for the first time. He smiled and shrugged. "You know Leo. Same old boring shit."  
  
  
(Up next if you or I dare to cnntinue....Donatello) 


	4. Donatello: Promise to keep

"...And I hear them saying  
That you'll never change things  
And no matter what you do  
It's still the same thing  
But it's not the world that I am changing  
I do this so, this world will know  
That it will not change me."  
(Garth Brooks "The Change")  
  
  
Donatello watched his brother practically inhale the food that he had brought. "So tell me," he said. "What were you and Leo talking about?"  
  
Raphael started talking with his mouth full of bread and the only words Donny caught were Leo and night stand. "Why in the world was Leo telling you about a night stand?"  
  
Raph swallowed with a gulp and belched. "Not a night stand...a one night stand."  
  
Don looked at him for a minute. "Okay, sure. Whatever. Don't tell me." But he was puzzled by Raph's sly grin. "What about you and Mike?"  
  
Raphael actually laughed out loud at that and started choking. He coughed and spit food everywhere.   
  
"Oh, gross," Don groaned wiping the front of his plastron.   
  
"Mikey and I were just remembering putting April's head on the picture of the centerfold," Raph managed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.  
  
Donatello didn't look amused. "You know, she never was convinced that I had nothing to do with that."  
  
"You're just mad you didn't think of doing it yourself," Raph shot back attacking the food again. He washed it down with the can of soda and leaned back with a sigh. "You may remove the tray now."  
  
"Oh boy can I?" Donny replied sarcastically, but he picked up the tray and set in down on the floor. "So what do you want to do? I'm not too good at this baby sitting thing."  
  
"Call me a baby one more time and I'll use my sai to make sure you never sit again," Raph warned. He closed his eyes. "What I really wanna do is go to sleep."  
  
Donny sighed. He knew he should have bribed Mike to take another watch. "Come on Raph, wake up and don't be such a grouch." Raph opened one eye and glowered at him. "I tried to tell you not to break those bricks."  
  
Raphael stood up and started to pace. He was really starting to feel stir crazy, not to mention tired. "I promised Leo a busted lip for saying 'I told you so'." He picked his sai up from the table and started to twirl them.  
  
"I'm not Leo," Don reminded him. "Look Raph, why don't you sit down. You're making me nervous with those things."  
  
Raphael looked at him with an evil smirk. "My sai bother you?"  
  
Donatello sat up a little straighter. "Not really. But in this small of a space and in your agitated state...well why tempt fate?"  
  
Raph sped up the twirling motion and inched closer to his brother. "You have some hang up about blades. I don't even know how you manage to use a butter knife."   
  
Aggravated, Donatello growled. "If I tell you about my problem with bladed weapons, will you sit down and stop doing that?" Don leaned away from Raph as he spun the sai inches away from him.  
  
Raph stopped abruptly. "There really is a reason? I thought you were just a wimp. No offence."  
  
"None taken," Don replied heatedly letting Raph know he did take offense at the wimp comment. "And there really is a good reason. I made a promise to someone a long time ago. When we were only ten."  
  
Raphael nodded slowly. "Okay." He sat on his bed and set the weapons beside him. "This had better be good."  
  
(Flashback)  
  
Donatello slept peacefully in his bed. He was feeling so warm and comfortable, he never wanted to get up.  
  
"Morning time!!" Michaelangelo ran in and bounced up and down on Donny's bed. After a couple of jumps, he leaped off to land on the bed across from him. "Wake up, Leo!"  
  
Donny groaned and covered his head with a blanket. Michaelangelo wasn't usually so happy in the morning, He usually had to be dragged out of bed.  
  
"Come on," Mike urged jumping from bed to bed, "Splinter's taking one of us with him on an outing today. To get supplies. So get up if you wanna go."  
  
Don peeked his head out. Outings with Splinter were rare and if he could go, he might be able to talk his sensei into a side trip to the dump. People always threw away such good stuff, Donatello tossed the covers aside, which unfortunately Mike got tangled in.   
  
"Whoa!" Mike cried as he fell backwards onto the floor.  
  
Having heard the crash, Splinter came running into the room. "Michaelangelo, are you injured?"  
  
Mike grinned. "Ah, no Master. My shell broke my fall."  
  
Splinter smiled in relief as Mike got to his feet. Donatello was also out of bed, but he frowned realizing Leonardo was not awake.  
  
"Leonardo, it is time to get up," he called.  
  
"Ok, Master," Leo mumbled sitting up. He coughed and then grimaced as if it hurt,  
  
"You ok, Leo?" Mike asked. "You look kinda puce green."  
  
Leonardo groaned at that and held his stomach. Splinter was instantly at his side and laying a gentle hand on his forehead. "How do you feel my son?"  
  
"Awful, Sensei," Leo admitted. "Do I have a fever?"  
  
"Yes, you do feel warm." He helped Leo lay back down and pulled the blankets up to his shoulders. "You rest, My Son. I will bring you some tea later." He got up to leave and motioned Don and Mike to follow him. "Try not to get out of bed until I return, Leonardo. No practice for you today."  
  
He walked out of the door with his other two sons trailing.   
  
"No practice?" Mike whispered to Donny. And then he spoke up. "Hey Splinter. I think I have a fever too."  
  
Splinter ignored him and they went into the kitchen where Raphael was waiting at the table.  
  
"So can I go with you Sensei?" Mike asked. "Huh, please can I?"  
  
"Take me Master, please," Donatello begged.  
  
"You went last time," Raphael said.  
  
Splinter held up his hands to stop the arguing, "Donatello, you did accompany me the last time, so it would only be fair for one of your brothers to go with me now."  
  
"Me! Me! Me!" Mike said excitedly.  
  
Splinter folded his arms and looked sternly at him. " And what about your fever, Michaelangelo?"  
  
"Uh..." Mike's mind froze.  
  
"Yes, just as I thought. Raphael, you may go with me."  
  
Raph jumped up. "Yes!" he said excitedly. He ran for his hat and coat.  
  
Splinter handed Don a piece of paper. "Here are your chores for this morning. Raphael can help you when we return, but I expect the two of you to get as much done as you can. I also expect you to practice your katas for a half hour after breakfast." He walked to the door where Raphael stood waiting. "Leave Leonardo sleep for as long as he likes. If he wakes before we return, try to get him to drink some tea." He pulled on his cloak and kissed each of his sons. "Behave yourselves while I am gone."  
  
"Of course, Sensei," Donny said.  
  
"Don't we always?" Mike asked with an innocent grin.  
  
Leaving that unanswered, Splinter and Raphael left.  
  
After a quick breakfast, Mike and Donny wandered into the training room. Neither one felt much like doing katas and with Splinter nor Leo being there, no one could make them either.  
  
"We should really do something," Donatello said.  
  
"Yeah I guess." Mike looked around the room a little. "Wanna spar?"  
  
Don shrugged. "Not really."  
  
"Hey, I know!" Michaelangelo said excitedly. He ran over to the far wall and pulled down the nunchucks. "How 'bout weapons?"  
  
Donny bit his lip. "No, we shouldn't Mike. We're not allowed." Weapons training was definitely off limits without Splinter there. Even Leo, who could do almost anything he wanted, wasn't allowed to touch the weapons without their sensei.  
  
"Come on! Pick one."  
  
Donatello scratched his head. Now would be a good time to pick a weapon. Splinter wanted them familiar with all the weapons, but he suggested picking one and becoming a master of it. Leo had already decided on the katana and Raphael claimed the sai. Michaelangelo couldn't seem to make up his mind between nunchucks and tonfa, but Donatello really hadn't made a choice. However, he seemed to be leaning toward the kama. None of his brothers liked them. Mike said it reminded him too much of the grim reaper.  
  
Donny grinned and took the pair of kama from where they were hanging on the wall.  
  
Mike started spinning the nunchucks around, but tried to go too fast and hit himself in the leg. "Ouch!"  
  
"Be careful, Mike. I don't want to have to explain why you're knocked unconscious on the dojo floor. And too many bruises will give us away just as easily." Donatello turned the kama over in his hand to get the feel for them. He ran a finger down the edge of the blade to see how sharp they actually were. Not surprising to him, they were pretty dull. Splinter said that when they were older they would sharpen the blades.  
  
"Hey Donny," Mike said suddenly, tilting his head to listen. "You hear that? Raph and Splinter must be back already."  
  
Don looked panicked. Someone was moving around in the kitchen. "Quick! Put the weapons back!" Even if it was just Leonardo out of bed, their brother would be sure to tell Splinter they were doing something they'd been told not to do.  
  
Mike scrambled to put the nunchucks back on the wall and Don placed the kama where he had taken them from. The two of them started to run through the katas they were suppose to be practicing in case their sensei peeked in the room. Five minutes passed and no one came to the dojo to check up on them.  
  
Mike threw a half-hearted punch and stopped his routine. "Maybe it was just Leo."  
  
Don nodded. "Yeah. Stay here, I'll go check and see if he needs anything."  
  
"Or maybe..."Michaelangelo said thoughtfully. "It was a sewer monster!" He looked a bit afraid.  
  
"There's no such thing as monsters," Donny scoffed.  
  
"Maybe it's an alligator. I heard someone on TV say that there are alligators in New York's sewers."  
  
Don sighed. "You watch too much television. You can't believe everything people on TV say." He walked to the door. "It's just Leo." He paused and looked back at his brother who stood motionlessly, still looking afraid. "Wanna come with me, Mike?"  
  
"No way!" Mike said shaking his head. "You go and I'll wait here."  
  
Don bit his lip nervously. With a quick decision, he ran over to the wall and took the kama back down.  
  
"Leo will tell on you!" Mike exclaimed.  
  
"If he does, I'll tell Sensei he was out of bed." Don slipped quietly out of the dojo and headed for the kitchen. To his surprise it was empty, but the small cooler where they kept food was open and on quick inspection Donatello saw that it was also empty. He clutched the weapon tighter and doubled back to the bedrooms. Leonardo was sleeping peacefully in his bed.  
  
Donatello leaned against the bedroom door and let out a shaky breath. He held the kama closer to him, debating what to do. A loud crash out in the living room made him jump. He gulped and walked almost silently to the living room.  
  
"Please be a rat, please be a rat, please be a rat," he whispered. Sometimes, the rats got into their food. But that was before they got the cooler. Rats weren't strong enough to lift the lid.   
  
"Please be a strong rat," Don changed his chant to fit this new revelation. "Please, just be Splinter!"  
  
He made it to the living room and saw a stand toppled over. But what disturbed him more, was that the door to their lair was open. He knew Splinter had closed it when he left. Donatello picked the stand back up and inched closer to the door. With a deep breath he walked outside the lair.  
  
He turned to the right and made it about five feet from the lair when a pair of hands reached out and grabbed him. Donatello shrieked and drew back the kama and stabbed forward with it as hard as he could. He heard a brief yell and fell as the hands let go. Before he could get to his feet something heavy fell on top of him.   
  
Don screamed and pushed with all his might while clawing at the rock on the sewer floor to get free. He kicked and fought and when he was at last free, he saw what fell on him. It was a human! He got to his feet and ran back into the lair and slammed the door, frantically trying to engage the lock, but it was broken!  
  
Donatello looked down at his shaking hands. They were all red. Blood. He just stared at his hands for a few seconds and then looked down at the rest of himself. He was splattered with the human's blood. "Oh God! Oh no. What have I done?"  
  
He ran to the kitchen and got an old towel to wipe the blood from the door and the floor. Donny tried to use the towel to wipe himself off, but it just seemed he was getting more on himself. Desperately, he ran to the bathroom, turned on the shower at full force and jumped in.  
  
"Donny?"   
  
Don froze at the sound of his brother's voice. "Yeh Mike, I'm...I'm just taking a sh..shower."  
  
Mike scratched his head. "Why?"  
  
"Because I am! Just...just get out Michaelangelo!"  
  
"Fine DONatello!" Mike snapped emphasizing his brother's full name. He frowned. "Uh, who was in the kitchen and took all the food?"  
  
Don clenched his fists. "A rat. A, big, strong rat! Now get out!"  
  
"Michaelangelo? What is going on? What is all the shouting?"  
  
Mike turned to see his sensei standing in the doorway of the bathroom. "Oh hi, Master Splinter. Donny's acting funny. He said a big rat took all the food in the kitchen. I don't think he meant you though, Sensei. Heh heh."  
  
Splinter sighed. "Go and help Raphael with the chores. I'll speak to Donatello."  
  
Donny was just thudding his head against the shower wall when he heard his master call his name.   
  
"Please Master," Donny begged trying to sound as respectful as possible. "Please just go away."  
  
"It's alright, My Son. I already know what happened."  
  
Don blinked in surprise and turned off the water. He watched the red water go down the drain. "Did...did you see him?"  
  
"Yes," Splinter answered gently. "Come out, Donatello and we will discuss it."  
  
Splinter sighed again as Donatello's trembling hand pulled back the shower curtain. He wrapped a towel around his son. "How did...how did you know?"  
  
Splinter ushered Donatello out of the bathroom and into his study down the hall. They sat across from each other. "I smelled the blood upon approaching our home. After sending Raphael into the lair, I checked nearby and found him. I saw the kama and was able to surmise what had happened."  
  
Don looked at his hands and twirled his fingers. "Did I...is he..." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Dead?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Don closed his eyes tightly. "I didn't want to. He grabbed me. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't touched the kama. Like you told me."  
  
"I am not saying that it is alright for you to disobey me, Donatello. But if you hadn't had the weapon with you, you may have been killed." He sighed. "Look at me, My Child."  
  
Don looked up and was surprised to see a quiet understanding in his master's eyes.   
  
"It is a fact of our existence as ninja, Donatello," Splinter began with a touch of sadness. "It is the reason for which you are training. A ninja is, among other things, an assassin. A killer."  
  
"Master, please don't be angry with me, but..." He looked down again. "I couldn't do it again. All that blood...Maybe I can't be a ninja."  
  
Splinter smiled. "Donatello, you have a good heart and a quick mind. These can also be good traits for a ninja."  
  
"You mean, I can use my mind as an alternative to violence? A ninja...pacifist?" Don asked.  
  
"In part. But I know should the need arise, you will be able to defend yourself and your brothers. Just as you did today."  
  
Donatello looked doubtful. "Master, I will never touch another bladed weapon. Ever."  
  
Splinter nodded. "That is a vow you make to yourself, My Son. I will not hold you to it. Because, as I said, should the need arise, I know you will defend your family by whatever means necessary. However, I will not force you to practice with any bladed weapon."  
  
"There goes mastering the kama," Donatello said with a sigh.   
  
Splinter chuckled. "Did I ever tell you that my favorite weapon is the bo?"  
  
(End Flashback)  
  
  
When Donatello looked up from telling his story, he saw his brother laying on the bed, his eyes closed and snoring softly.  
  
Don jumped to his feet. "Wake up, Raphael!"  
  
Raph's eyes popped open and he yawned. "Oh damn, I'm sorry Donny. What was you sayin'?"   
  
Donatello growled. "Here I am, telling you my biggest secret and you fall asleep! And you're not even suppose to be sleeping!" He picked up the pillow from the floor and hit him with it.  
"It's six in the morning and I'm up with my ungrateful, idiotic, egotistical brother, who tries to take on defenseless bricks and he loses!" Don hit him with the pillow again. "Well go to sleep, Raphael. See if I give a damn if you fall into a coma." Feathers from the pillow started flying everywhere and Don tossed it to the floor angrily.  
  
Raphael looked up at him with a big grin. "Whatever happened to the ninja pacifist?"  
  
The door opened and Splinter came in looking puzzled. Feathers were drifting down and he blew one away that had landed on his nose. "What is all the shouting in here?"  
  
"Oh Donny was just showing me how he gave up on being violent." Raphael laughed.  
  
Donatello shot him a angry look and then turned to Splinter. "Master, with your permission, I'd like to go to bed."  
  
'Oh shit' Raphael thought. He wasn't looking forward to Splinter's watch.  
  
"Hey Donny," he said. "Why don't you stay for awhile. We can play that one game you like...you know with the horses and kings and castles and stuff."  
  
"You mean chess, Raphael?" Don asked.   
  
"Yeah that's it. We could..."  
  
"No Raphael," Splinter interupted. "Donatello needs to rest and you and I can use this time to...talk."  
  
Raphael suppressed a groan. Donatello simply laughed and bid them both good-night before walking out the door. 


	5. Splinter: Anger Clouds the Mind...

"Carry on my wayward son  
  
There will be peace when you are done  
  
Lay your weary head to rest  
  
Don't you cry no more"  
  
(Kansas "Carry on my Wayward Son")  
  
  
  
Splinter sat on the bed next to his student and inspected the bruise on his head. Raphael hissed in pain at the contact, but knew better than to try to pull away from the examination.  
  
"The swelling has gone down some," the sensei told him with an approving nod. "Have you had any dizziness, My Son?"  
  
"Not for awhile," Raph replied through gritted teeth as the probing continued.  
  
Splinter surveyed the empty food tray on the floor. "You have eaten. Have you experienced any nausea?"  
  
*Only if you count the sick feeling I'm getting waiting for you to lay into me*, Raphael thought bitterly. Out loud he merely said, "No Master." He figured being extra respectful wouldn't hurt at a time like this. Splinter nodded again and moved to the chair.  
  
He folded his hands and gazed at his student carefully.  
  
Raphael met his look for a few seconds and then looked away squirming. He sighed and then blurted out, "Well, go ahead and lecture me already!"  
  
His master looked confused for a second and then smiled in understanding. "I see. You thought that I had planned on chastising you for injuring yourself."  
  
"Well," Raphael began, not quite sure how to answer that. "Yeah. I mean…..aren't you?"  
  
"Should I?"  
  
Raphael suppressed a groan and thought. 'I hate when he answers my question with a question.'  
  
Before Raph could even think of an answer, Splinter continued, "Tell me Raphael, will you ever try to do something like this again? Injure yourself by showing off for your brothers?" He held up a hand. "Do not answer that, because I know the answer. Yes, you will and nothing I do or say is likely to change that."  
  
Raph frowned trying to see where this conversation was headed. It seemed to him that his master was giving up on him, figuring he was never going to change.  
  
He didn't know how to take that. "Master, it's not like it was all my fault." Raphael winced knowing how whiny he sounded and he didn't like it, but he was getting desperate. Splinter wasn't one for letting anyone push blame on others and he wouldn't let Raphael get away with that. "Mike bet me and Don said…..Leo kept distracting me…..and…."  
  
Splinter sighed. "It is not the act itself, but the underlying motivation that is the problem, My Son. And the one that concerns me the most. Your emotions control you a great deal, Raphael." He tapped his student's head gently. "You must learn to think before you act."  
  
Raph groaned, tired of hearing this. "So much for not lecturing me." And then he realized that he had practically demanded that his master lecture him. "You tricked me!"  
  
At that the sensei chuckled. "I was given advance warning that you might not be receptive to any scolding. So rather than waste my breath….."  
  
Raphael seethed. "Leo that loud mouth….." Then he smiled evily. "Hey, Master, did Leo ever tell you the story…."  
  
But Splinter wasn't going to let him change the subject. "You remind me a great deal of myself, Raphael. More so than any of your brothers."  
  
"Huh?" Raph stopped sulking long enough to look up at his master. "What are you talking about? Your emotions don't control you…..do they?"  
  
Splinter shook his head. "No, not now. But in my younger years, yes they did. I had a very hard time dealing with emotions, Raphael. Specifically, my anger."  
  
Raph's eyes widened. He had seen Splinter angry plenty of times, but never did he see him lose his temper to the point of not controlling himself. "I don't understand… I don't ever remember you losing your temper."  
  
Splinter stroked his chin thoughtfully, and then nodded as if he had made a decision. "You were much too young to remember, Raphael. And I am thankful for that. In the first year following our mutation, things were very difficult for me----"  
  
(Flashback)  
  
  
  
Splinter thought of his home and saw that, after almost a year, things were starting to come together. He had found several blankets and a few cushions to make things a bit more comfortable. And he had finally managed to rig pipes so they had both hot and cold running water. An old toilet that he had scavenged was finally in working order as was a small bathtub. And thank all the gods that his young sons were finally potty trained.  
  
A small room was cleared away of all debris and this he used for his dojo. Hanging on the wall were all the things he could bring from Yoshi's house before the cops raided the place. And in this room the rat was alone going through the katas that his master used to do. One day soon he would start bringing his sons with him in the morning to train. Knowing that when the four of them were old enough they would avenge his master's death was worth all the headaches and worry he went through daily. And he was starting to become quite fond of them.  
  
He found himself watching them grow learn with pride and he took great pleasure in their company.  
  
A sudden crash made him jump and alerted him that at least one of the turtles was up. To his amazement he found his sons all together in what would eventually be their kitchen. Stacked high on a makeshift shelf Splinter kept the few dishes that he had found and this was what the turtles were trying to reach. He gasped because the four of them had decided to use each other as ladders. Two of his sons were kneeling on the floor while the other two climbed on top of their shells trying to reach the shelf. On the floor were shards of glass from failed attempts.  
  
"What are you doing?" Splinter asked. He had startled them and one of the climbers almost fell. The rat ran to catch him and herded the rest out the kitchen before they cut themselves on the glass. Once to safety he asked again.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
The one Splinter called Leonardo pointed to the dishes. "Thirssy."  
  
The smallest Michaelangelo nodded eagerly. "Hunrey."  
  
Splinter talked to them frequently and they comprehended what he said. Speech had also been coming to them at a rapid rate in the last few months and they were getting good at making themselves understood. "I see. You want breakfast, correct?"  
  
The little ones all nodded.  
  
"But you should not be climbing to reach the dishes. This is dangerous, understand?'  
  
All but one nodded sheepishly. The other, who Splinter recognized as Raphael, just snorted. Splinter gazed sternly at his rebellious one. "Raphael, there will be no more climbing. If you want something, ask me and I will get it for you."  
  
Raphael returned the glare and then turned away stubbornly and snorted again. Splinter felt himself growing angry. None of his sons liked being told 'no', but Raphael seemed intent on challenging him at every turn. He had heard human parents refer to the "terrible twos", and he hoped that this stage of Raphael's life would pass soon. And he thanked the gods his other sons were not as trying.  
  
Frustrated Splinter said through gritted teeth. "Do you understand? Look at me, Raphael."  
  
It took a few seconds but Raph finally turned to look at him pouting. "Unnerstan," he said.  
  
Splinter nodded and pushed his frustration away. "Now, all of you go and sit down. First I will clean up the mess and then I will get you breakfast."  
  
The rat knelt down and started to pick up the broken glass, carefully trying to avoid getting cut. He realized that he was still breathing hard and his jaw was still clenched in anger at being challenged by the child. He knew from hearing Yoshi talk about the clan in Japan that ninja students did not challenge their master. To do so was foolhardy and lead to the strictest of punishments.  
  
Splinter knew that his students were just small children and teaching them the proper respect would be a slow process that would take patience. He was not a patient rat, but he was willing to learn.  
  
  
  
Many, many tiring hours later, Splinter put the turtles down for bed-- this being another exercise in patience. He finally managed to get them all in their room and onto the bundle of blankets that served as their bed, but they refused to lie down.  
  
"Not tired," one complained. In spite of himself, Splinter smiled. This one, Donatello, had been the slowest to speak. And he still rarely said a word, so anything from this turtle was welcome.  
  
"Not tired," Michaelangelo repeated and then yawned. Splinter knew that once he got them to lie down, sleep would be seconds away.  
  
Leonardo was already fast asleep and Raphael was uncharacteristically quiet.  
  
"Go to sleep, My Turtles," Splinter urged. "Perhaps there will be a surprise waiting for you when you wake up in the morning."  
  
"Pizza?" Michaelangelo asked hopefully.  
  
Splinter chuckled. Only once, months ago, had he brought home pizza for dinner and this one never forgot it. "You will have to wait. Go to sleep."  
  
At that the other three curled up in the blankets and closed their eyes.  
  
  
  
Splinter waited several hours until the city slowed down before he left their lair to retrieve supplies. During the winter months it had been harder to get what they needed, but it had gotten easier lately. Spring cleaning, he thought.  
  
People had a tendency to throw a lot of stuff away.  
  
The rat had acquired several cans of unopened food that people threw away as well as some broken toys and battered books, which his sons would enjoy once he repaired them. Luck was with him and he found the apartment of someone who recently moved. They had obviously emptied the contents of their cupboards into the trash. Taking all he could carry, Splinter headed home.  
  
Suddenly, he made a sharp turn and doubled back. It had been months since he had last visited and he felt an aching need to return. Splinter hid his bag of supplies in a nearby bush and made his way into the empty apartment.  
  
Over a year had passed, but still it remained unoccupied. No one was eager to rent an apartment that had been the scene of a double murder. An unsolved double murder.  
  
Nothing had really been cleaned. His old cage still sat in a corner where it had fallen in the struggle. The chair where Shen use to hold him was in the center of the room and upon inspection, Splinter saw that it was splattered with blood.  
  
Yoshi's or Shen's or maybe a combination of both he didn't know.  
  
Splinter closed his eyes and when he opened them, he was transported back in time to that last night. Saki, the murderer, was beating Shen. Splinter saw himself in his cage, angrily trying to get out and feeling so helpless to aid her. And then she was motionless and Saki waited in the shadows. The door opened and Yoshi came in. He never had a chance. Saki gave no warning. Splinter's cage was knocked to the floor and before he could do anything it was over. Yoshi was dead and, with a last evil look, Saki was gone. But his face was forever burned into Splinter's memory.  
  
And just as suddenly as it came, the memory faded and the rat stood alone in the room. Anger welled up inside him. The memory of feeling helpless further fueled his rage and his desire for revenge. His students would never be helpless and one day they would carry out his vengeance.  
  
Clenching his fists, Splinter turned and strode out of the room.  
  
  
  
When Splinter returned home, it was with the intent on going to his dojo . He was much to upset to sleep and he felt that he had to work off some frustration. He passed the turtles' room on his way and did a double take. Two of his sons were not there. Feeling panicked, Splinter ran to the bathroom hoping they were in there. It was empty. The kitchen, dojo and his bedroom were also empty.  
  
His heart beating faster, Splinter turned his head from side to side when a thumping sound drew his attention. Sooner or later, when the turtles were older and after he was able to secure more blankets, Splinter had the intention of giving his sons their own rooms. In preparation for that, he had already blocked off another passageway. The sound seemed to be coming from there.  
  
He sprinted and was just able to make out a small voice saying, "Kitty. Here Kitty." He looked around but couldn't see the turtle the voice belonged to.  
  
Over in the corner, was two buckets stacked on top of each other. Splinter looked up and there were his two sons edging along the pipes.  
  
One was calling to a rat that was on the end. "Kitty. Come Kitty." The other was falling close behind.  
  
Splinter took a deep breath, relieved that they were safe and then he saw red.  
  
"What are you two doing up there?" he shouted. "Did I not just tell you this morning there is to be NO climbing? And why aren't you in bed?"  
  
His shout startled the two children. One started to fall but the other grabbed him and steadied him. Together they huddled and stared down fearfully at their father who had never before raised his voice.  
  
"Come down here. Now!" Splinter was beyond angry and he didn't want to gain control of it. He had tried being patient. But seeing his old home tonight and coming here to be scared to death at the thought of losing two of his students had pushed him over the edge.  
  
"Kitty," the small turtle said pointing at the rat. Michaelangelo. And he seemed to be offering an explanation. But Splinter didn't care.  
  
"I said come down here now!" Splinter repeated.  
  
The two turtles looked at the drop and shook their heads.  
  
"Can't," the other said. Raphael. Splinter sighed. That figures. This one was going to be the death of him. The two had climbed up onto the pipe with no thoughts of how they would get back down. And if they had fallen, the concrete below would not have provided a soft landing. They could have been seriously hurt.  
  
Splinter reached up and pulled the two frightened turtles down beside him.  
  
"Splinner?" He turned and saw that the other two had left their room to see what the commotion was. They were standing in the doorway regarding him thoughtfully and he saw that they too were scared. Splinter was in no mood to be soothing to them.  
  
"Go back to bed this instant!" he shouted. Wide-eyed and crying, Leonardo and Donatello fled.  
  
He spun to face the two remaining. Michaelangelo had a finger in his mouth and was sobbing. Raphael was just standing there and for some reason this seemed to Splinter like another of the turtle's rebellious challenges. Without saying a word he drew back and slapped the child across the face. Raphael reeled back and fell.  
  
"You will not defy me again! You can not learn if you will not listen! And if you do not learn, I will never regain my master's honor!"  
  
Michaelangelo gasped and then started crying loudly. From the floor, Raphael looked up with tears streaming down his face. Splinter just stared down at him shocked at what he had done.  
  
"Go to bed," Splinter said quietly and then he turned and left them crying.  
  
(End Flashback)  
  
Raphael blinked when his sensei stopped speaking and realized that he had been holding his breath.  
  
"Uh…I don't…I don't remember any of that," he gasped.  
  
Splinter shook his head. "No, I don't expect that you do. And I had hoped that you would not. You all were quite subdued for days thereafter. But eventually, you all seemed to forget and we went from there."  
  
Raphael looked down. He didn't seem to know what to say. Splinter moved to sit beside him and placed a hand on his head. "I never wanted to tell you this story, My Son. But I sat all night long after the incident deciding what to do. I even entertained the thought of leaving, but I knew I cared to much for all of you to do that."  
  
"So why did you tell me?" Raphael asked. It didn't bother him so much that his master lost his temper and struck him when he was small. As mouthy as he was, he would be surprised if that was the only time. What did bother him, was that he knew that it disturbed Splinter for him to know. This must be something the sensei felt extremely guilty for doing.  
  
"Because in the hours before the dawn, I realized my mistake. I had never grieved my master, and I had never come to terms with his death. I buried all my anger instead of dealing with it and in doing so let it control me."  
  
Splinter took Raphael's chin and forced his student to look him in the eye. "I learned the greatest truth. That 'anger clouds the mind…'"  
  
Raphael took up the rest of the line. " '…turned inward it is an unconquerable enemy.' But, I wasn't angry when I tried to break those bricks."  
  
Splinter raised an eyebrow at that. "Oh weren't you? Your brother' refusal to accept your word that you could break did not make you angry?" He let go of Raphael, and the turtle looked down.  
  
He could see his son thinking about what he said and then Raphael finally admitted. "Yeah I guess it did."  
  
Splinter smiled. "Do not worry, My Son. I will continue to help you deal with your anger. And help you conquer it before you have children of your own to lose your temper with."  
  
Raphael laid his head down and yawned. "Fat chance of that ever happening." He closed his eyes. "I'm never having kids. Too much of a pain in the ass."  
  
Despite the language, Splinter chuckled. "Yes, they are."  
  
A soft snoring sound told Splinter that his biggest pain in the ass was sleeping. He got up quietly and went to the door. Before walking out, he turned off the light and looked at the sleeping turtle once more.  
  
He sighed and smiled. "But they can be oh so rewarding."  
  
Splinter closed the door.  
  
  
  
Everyone, all together now…"awwwwwww!" A year after first starting this fic, I'm finally done! Hope you guys liked it.  
  
BTW…I know I have several stories that I have started and have yet to finish. I'm trying to decide which one to move on to next so if anyone has any preferences, I'm listening. And that does include the new one too.  
  
(Going off to pop some champagne and celebrate now. I'll save everyone who gives a final review some) : ) But you must be over 21. EG 


End file.
